time

has her own ways

to show us

our dreams

quickly

pass by

or slowly

come true

do we then

dare to believe her?



time is wise, you know..

SUN

it's here!

the sun the light the warmth..
embracing everything
in us
on us
and around us

breathe in the smells of summer
the warm breeze
the blooming trees
the greengreen grass
Your bare feet dig in
fresh redred strawberries
smooth vanilla icecream
and Your warmwarm skin..

down and up.. worthy anytime

from where does the spirit get its groove back sometimes
I really would like to know
so I can get it a little bit sooner
the next time
I am feeling low, worried, hurt, or worse
of lesser worth
to someone
strange
I can feel worthy to me
and completely worthless to someone else
WHY??
why does that matter so much
it can almost change the way I feel about myself
and I have come to a place
where I actually appreciate the person I have become
with all my flaws
I am still fine
How Are You Today?

life lesson

... and then life hits us
with so much greatness
that it is almost difficult
to believe and take in


or sometimes
it sneaks upon us
for a long long time
without us noticing
the dangerously
scary
but important
lesson
for all of us

my dad refuses treatment
and all we can do
for now
is

share
smile
laugh
focus
learn
listen
grow
celebrate
embrace


for the time
he has left
here

together
we'll make it right

s i s t e r s ...

Monday Apr 14th 09


Lynn(in Holland): 'Hey sis, saw you called. Watcha doin?'

me(in Sweden): 'Hi sweetiedarlin', me in car from C. to M. and the roadmap in my car is gone, I needed you to go online to help me get where I need to be without driving around for three hours with my head in my ass.. sorry butt.. bum? Oh look!!.. a SIGN..
I'm on the right road.. nice.. and what are you doin?'

Lynn(still in Holland): 'I'm painting the stairs. And I have to paint them again 'cause I want them white.. you know WHITE white but you can still see the brown through the white, I'll have to paint them nineteen times'

me (still in car eyebrows high): 'I thought you were already done painting the stairs??'

Lynn (in Holland waving arms pointing at stairs): 'Noo NOT those ones the OTHER ones, the ones I fell down from 'cause we stripped the carpet off and mah feet don't work in the morning'

me (in car grinning): 'oooh THOSE stairs, mm I get it.. may be you should get some antiglide strips or put something in the last layer of varnish that makes it saferohno wait, that doesn' work, remember when T and I lived in that old house in the countryside and we had white painted stairs?? Beautiful!!
And then T called when I was in the shower and the phone was downstairs and me on wet feet hurrying down.. trust me, it DOESN'T work and I KNOW how much it hurts..'

Lynn (in Holland grinning more): 'Yeah I knoooow... but I've been really smart and painted every other stairstep and put one sock on the ones you could step on and then the cat didn't get it.. and neither did Erik...'

me (laughing so hard that my head hits the steeringwheel and the car is zigzagging off the road):
'hahaa.. ooooh pooooor kitty.. white paws.. that's sooo cute.. paws AND sockprints.. can it GET any better??.. '

(and I can laugh cause I KNOW it would SOO happen to me too..)

just another Monday phone call..
nothing unusual..

lovya sis..

out of hibernation

for us humans
living
in the colder areas
of this planet

today
is a major event

we wait upon it..
remembering
and recognizing
the near new feeling

today is the first warm and sunshiny day
after months and months
of pearly grey chill and cristal white cold..
it almost feels like everything is becoming
a little bit more alive,
a little happier..
a little prettier.. a little bit of everything..
including us..
without anything in our lives
actually changing..
just the light and the warmth
upon us
and around us

amazing..
don't you find..


indulge all..
love is in the details..


stay safe..

privilege

do not mistake my tears for weakness.
they are but a mere expression of pain.
courage allows me to meet it
and let it pass through my system
without letting it transform into anger, or rage even.
courageous water.
it helps me to release and transform into
something universal.
it empowers me untill.
uncharge to recharge.
unload to reload.

for me to show you my tears is not a plea for help
but a privileged invitation to my core.
I will observe you handling that privilege
as you may me.

we are still new to me

and the day goes by
with the worry
aching my inside

how do they do it
I wonder

are you
all
I hope you are

and am I

and dare I trust
me
with you

or do I run
again

how do they do it
I wonder

how

shepapercomfort

after
the hurt has hurricaned
aimlessly
through my system

as
my senses search
and slowly find
their ability to comprehend

before
the letters are found
and the words are formed
out of the after quiver chaos


I am lost


until
my hand touches the pen
and sincerity flows
into the embrace
of the ever understanding paper

herewegoagain

sometimes
we all need
to fall apart
and go to pieces
for a while

to give ourselves
the possibility
to pick up
one piece
at the time



place it under the eye
of our soul's microscope
to observe
analyse
and learn
from a close distance

before we rearrange us
and glue us back
together
again

with greater understanding
and higher knowledge
of ourselves
that will be available
to us
for the rest of our time

teamupwithme

open book
and
read my need


turn page
and
hear my meaning


tune in
and
sense my wish


lower volume
and
feel my moaning


lose game
and
share my crying


kick ass
and
join my laughing


reach Out
and
touch my Self


reach In
and
invite my caring


open up
and
receive my all

courage

soft is how I like me to be
courage is what I need

to let down my protective shields
of sharp irony
frozen eyebrows
determined voice
and fast moves


scared is what I am
when unprotected by my image armour
you can devastate me
and may be you will

I have to learn that
how you treat me
is your choice
and your responsibility
and my gain
or pain


courage is what I need
soft is how I need me to be

it is my true Self

please..

answer me
before I ask of some I need

help me
before I fail in my own deed

find me
before I lose myself in greed

trust me
before I doubt myself to lead

believe in me
before I fail to plant my seed

steady me
before I grow when I succeed


comfort me
before I hurt
I comfort you
before you do

meeting

when our eyes
let our spirits
meet
time rests
for a moment

I feel more
of me
than
I knew
through you

and I
am in awe
of the part
of you
I am allowed
to enter

bravery

take the step
jump the leap
over the valley


crave the crawl
break the wave
into the deep


dare the sway
think the flight
past the blue


steady the storm
sleep the dream
into the self

today I will try to be the best me I have ever been

.


today I tried
something new
a different way
of being me
in the now moment

no past
experiences
pain

no future
expectations
disappointment

now is where I am
now is what I think
now is how I feel

now is always


nothing new really
I just didn't grasp it
before just now

be my friend

look past the look
beyond the make

hear through the voice
behind the laugh
or the pain filled anger

listen into the silence
that is not being uttered




take your time
if you wish to

to truly get to know

me
and
you

Self

stand in front of the mirror
look at you
and
into your eyes
to meet Self
and hear
what Self has to say
for a day
or three


turn away from the mirror
look at me
and
into my eyes
so I can see
and hear
what your Self
has to say
to us

can you see
and
hear my Self?

difference

one of the biggest differences
between men and women
seems to me
that it is possible for a man
to be a biological parent
without ever knowing about it




whereas
for a woman
body
mind
and spirit
change

for always



is man woman without wo m b ?

hu man

charm beats good looks
kindness beats charm


wit
and
sincerity

makes

beautiful
and
attractive

people


to me


rather smiling eyes
than flashy teeth

outerinnermirror

even
when you don't like
what you look like
can you please
remember
and like
who you are?



not easy
when judged
and evaluated
by exterior
every day



please
shift focus
look into the
soul mirror

tools

words are tools
we use
to try
to express
whatever we think we feel
important enough
to share

therefore
words are important
but more important
is the meaning
meant
through them

if we could try
take the time
to listen
in between
around
and
beyond the words
we hear

we could feel
what is meant
before we interprete
what is said

pearly evergrey

to some people
life
is like a chessboard
coal black and snow white
defined and clear
squaresquares

they know their place




to me
life
is like a spiral
all shades of grey
neverending flowing
circlecircles

I wish I knew my place




every now and then
I try the squares
they don't fit into my system
and I don't fit into theirs

I understand for some
safety and security
every now and then
I can envy that


I wish the square people
only sometimes
would try my
neverending flowing
evergrey spiral


mutual understanding
and
smoother encounters
every now and then

simplenoteasy

draw a line
so you can cross it

make a rule
so you can break it

hold a fear
so you can release it

know a pain
so you can transform it

cry a tear
so you can dry it

smile a smile
so you can give it

away

ego

my ego dresses me
in the morning
when I myself
am ready to go out
to meet the world
just like I am
and what I look like
to me

what you see
is a product of my ego
what you hear
is a result of my image thinking
all designed
by me Myself
to protect
from further damage

and the hardest thing
for me to say
to me

is

let go
what they feel
is up to them

movement

the way you sound

when you are watching

the way you taste when you don't fear

the way you don't move

when you are touched

the way you look when you do hear

leaves an imprint on my core

that makes me love you

more

butterfly

may be I'm all wrong
and
it is better
to butterfly
through life

lightly
just a soft
touch
here
and there

I wish I knew how

what to do with
all the thoughts
reflections
emotions
assumptions








if it's not good for you

dump the thought
take the breath
release the all
into the natural silence

close encounter of the first kind

you can run walk crawl
but you can only
for so long
hide
from yourself


sooner or later
in this life
or the next
you will meet
yourself
on a narrow doorstep


which one of you
is going
to step aside
to let insight enter
so both of you
can grow


to understand
eachother

t

plsfrgvm




the past had the grace
to let me meet me today

I had the grace
to not like what I saw
or felt


it really is too late
for apologies
to him
or us

all I can do
is regret
and say sorry
to me


much harder
to forgive
me
and
let go
to learn

which gate?

I know
also I
misunderstand
intention
because of
some heavy
luggage
I have carried around
with me
way past boarding time
and
should have
checked in
a long time ago

intentions

intentions

before words
before perception
before interpretation



isn't most of what we say and do
perceived and interpreted
beyond our control?
no matter how hard we try
to be clear about our intentions
we are misunderstood and
sometimes even perceived as liars

so much pain and frustration
caused by misunderstandings
and mistrust..

blue

when I say blue
do you imagine
the same shade
of blue
I do

or might
your shade
be bright
and mine
paler

because today
you are
in harmony
with you

and I
am blue
to me ?

clichés

a brilliant woman once wrote
life will present us with lessons
and lessons are repeated until learned




in the process of learning
simple words of wisdom
shared by those before me
to guide and comfort
I almost dismiss as clichés

because I seem to forget
that I repeatedly need to hear
what I already know
but haven't yet accomplished




mine are old
well used
and still needed

I am a slow learner
but a smiling one

we'll get there
all of us

questionmark

I look at the pregnant shape

of a question mark

and I ask

are all answers sheltered inside

protected by ignorance

fed by curiosity

fostered by insights

waiting to stumble upon the world

to live different lives in different people

and gradually mature into

questions

a g a i n

?